JEHANZEB AZIZ
……..A long time ago in a galaxy far, far far away...........There
was peace and stability after years of political turmoil in the planet
Paktoonie. The planet was governed by an elected Chancellor. New trade routes
were being chartered and many development projects were underway………..
The conference of Jedi council of the planet was in session….The
Jedi are meritocratic guardians of the peace and justice in the galaxy and the ‘Force’
is always with them. They believed themselves to be able philosophers,
scientists, engineers, physicians, diplomats and conscientious tajzeea-nagars
(analysts).
Chaired by the wisest of the wise and virtuous of virtuous Grand
Master Yoda-II, Jedi Council of Paktoonie took great pride in spirit de corps,
citizenship, and volunteerism. Vice chair of the council was the dashing female
Jedi Qalmaqan.
That day the proceedings of the
conference were moving along the usual boring speed. The overall mood was quite
sombre when Jedi Knight Moz Kudo raised his hand. Grand Master Yoda II , who
was presiding the conference as usual, allowed him to speak. On Which after
thanking the Chair Moz Kudo said,” I want to bring this august house in the
know about the present uncouth and pandoo Chancellor” and then added with a dramatic
pause “ my Master, I propose to get rid
of him to restore decency and order in the planet.”
“Uncouth why he is ?” asked the
wisest of the wise grand Jedi Master Yoda II.
“ It has been reported that the
Chancellor used vernaculars and preferred Aloo ghosht over Goulash.”
“ oh my Force……is it so?” exclaimed
Vice Chair Jedi Qalmaqan . The conference room was filled with astonish and
disgust.
“Disturbing this is” said Yoda II
“Indeed my Master, Goulash or Scouse
are fine or Rendang at the minimum can be tolerated but Aloo Ghosht???….I need
not say any further”.
Young Jedi Knight Zakwalker sitting
in the far end of the conference table asked “May I ask the respected Jedi Kudo,
what is the source of this information?”
Master Yoda II inquisitively looked
towards Jedi Maz Kodu.
“ My Master, this has been reported
by the Jedi Assistant to the Chancellor .” he replied.
Hearing that Master Yoda II closed
his eyes…there was pin drop silence around the conference table. Many galactic
minutes passed. All the participating Jedis kept quiet and waited for their
Master Yoda II to open his eyes and speak. Their discipline and reverence for
him was exemplary.
Just when Vice Chair was about to
poke the Master…….he opened his wrinkled and wise eyes. He looked around the
table and said,” discuss this further we have to.”
There was a relief in the room…..and
the house was open for the discussion. Jedi Qalmaqan said emphatically,” we are
guardians of the order in the galaxy and we have responsibility for the historical,
cultural and ideological boundaries of the planet Paktoonie….I say a person
with such mundane lowly tastes cannot be trusted”.
Young Zakwalker gathered all his
courage and raised his hand. On permission of the Chair he said, “ May I say,
my Master , the Chancellor is quite popular and has initiated many development
projects.”
“Development is no criteria…if we accept that
than the best person to be the Chancellor of the planet might be Milosovic
Riazomov who has successfully achieved many development projects….he has even
developed a special dwelling facility for the Jediis. Jedi Maz Kudo reply
sounded quite agitated.
Jedi Qalmaqan added , “ The planet
needs good manners. How can a Aloo Ghost eating person be trusted?”
“Please don’t get me wrong”
Zakwalker was meek in response, “ I am only trying to point out a fact.”
“May I remind you, Jedi order is not
about facts….it is about the Force…which binds everything in the galaxy. You
have recently joined Jedi council , you need to understand these things.” Vice
Chair Qalmaqan admonished Zakwalker
“ Discourage must not we, the young
Jedi” Mater Yoda II came to Zakwalker rescue. He looked around the table and
said, “ if proceed against the Chancellor, how to go about it?”
With your permission my Master I am
opening house for suggestions” Qalmaqan asked the Grand Master….who nodded in approval.
Jedi Maz Kudo said ,” previously we
had been using three major instruments for these purposes….use of
alcohol…..illicit relationships and financial corruption. we can use any of
these three”.
“As far as I know this Chancellor
doesn’t imbibe.” Qalmaqan muttered. She looked around and spotted head of the
Inter Jedi Investigation Agency (IJIA) Jedi Sentinel Shakshoba and asked him,”
can you give a brief low down ?”
“Honoured ma’am Qalmaqan, It is
indeed correct the chancellor doesn’t drink and has no illicit relations.”
“How is that possible? your previous
reports had many stories about the libido of these politicians?”
“In my view he (Chancellor) has been
chaste because he is married in a phelwan family.”
“ What is Phelwan?”
“ well, Phelwans are also warriors
like us Jedis but Force is not strong with them and they are not sanctioned to
used light sabres and other weapons…..hence they become masters of using fists and kicks and many have specialty in breaking bones …. They also keep order
and discipline but only at mohalla and street level.” explained Shakshoba
“Oh remember I now …. Came to me for
training some padawans about eleven hundreds years ago but training they didn’t
complete.” Said Yoda II
“I see, these phelwans must be
descendants of padawans …..and padawan must have changed to phelwans.”
Exclaimed Qalmaqan , “ Keep going”
“This leaves us, my Master, to the
most tried and tested instrument of financial hanky-panky….. These politicians
are a greedy lot .” Shakshoba suggested.
Once again Young Jedi Zakwakler objected,
“ My Master this might be alright…”
“ We don’t use words like might be…
it is or it is not” once again Qalmaqan interjected and admonished Zakwalker
“Apologies ma’am, all I am asking,
is this Chancellor financially crooked?”
“I have to say you ask too many
questions…..dont you?”
“Let me say to appease young Jedi,
the Chancellor is living beyond his means” Shakshoba announced.
“It is quite clear these pandoos can be
huge threat to the governance of the planet and a Chancellor fond of Allo ghosh
can never be trusted….especially if we have credible information coming from a
respected member of the Jedi council that he lives beyond his means. Is it
clear to you young Jedi?”
“Yes Ma’im very clear” replied
Zakwalker.
“I think it is the time we ask our usual Jedi
ethical questions” said Qalmaqan
“Are we doing it for some personal
gains?”
“ Nay “ everyone replied in chorus
“Are we doing it for the decency and
order in the planet?”
“Aye” chorus replied.
There was silence in the room once
again….After few galactic minutes the wisest of wise Grand Master Yoda II made his
decision “Get rid of the chancellor we must.”
Note- Events described here are from
a galaxy far far away….any resemblance with any events on planet Earth would be
purely coincidental or due to active imagination of the reader.